Everybody's Talkin' In Hollywood

I've mentioned before how you can't go anywhere in the Los Angeles area without hearing conversations about movies and television or seeing a film crew in action. I work from home but often travel around town for meetings. I hear a lot of odd conversations during my time out in the real world and thought I'd share some of them with you.

1. "I told my kid to take his Halloween costume to Hollywood Blvd for a few days and make money as one of the characters on the street. He'll see that nobody cares about Green Lantern when he comes back with no money."
2. "I like to think of my script as a cross between Ferris Bueller's Day Off and The Purge by showing the real reason kids ditch school is to put lawlessness in action."
3. "I normally don't mind being recognized but there are times I wish I could just disappear much like Bridget Fonda's career!"
4. "The casting director had the nerve to tell me that my headshot didn't look anything like me. Does he expect me to still use the same amount of Juvederm I had before that photo session?"
5. "I tried to get in the audience for her late night talk show appearance but her agency wouldn't return my calls. See if I'm nice to her next time I wait on her table!!!"
6. "I once saw a stage mom try to seduce a PA so her kid would get more screen time. I don't think she understands who has any sort of power on a film set."
7. "The crew didn't get the proper permits to film at the mall. I don't care who you are but Santa Claus still gets the prime real estate spot at the mall during the holidays."
8. "Is it a bad sign that I called my agent's office and the number now belongs to a dry cleaner?"
9. "I told him the best way for our comedy gigs to get attention is to find a club that is fine with us hosting in the nude. They'll either laugh at our material or our bodies but at least they'll be laughing."
10. "I like to think of myself as a leading man trapped in the body of an extra trying hard to be noticed by the camera as well as the director and the crew and the producers and anyone else in charge on set."

I hope everyone I quoted above achieves their dreams...Or at least gets the answers to their questions!

This actor has a comedy gig on Thursday night at Flappers in Burbank.

What Do You Do After Pilot Season?

The annual event known as pilot season is almost over. The question facing many actors is whether to stay in Hollywood to try and book a job or head home for a few months until episodic season begins in August.

There are acting jobs available if you're willing to stay in town and audition for them. In fact, here are some of my favorite casting notices that recently found their way to my email inbox:

• Looking for a 35-48 female of any race who has pole dancing skills to play a crime solving exotic dancer. Must be willing to exhibit skills during audition process.
• Looking to cast male middle-age actors (40-55) who have experience in fencing, swimming and riding a bike while blindfolded.
• Have a love for gritty 70s crime dramas? Think "Dog Day Afternoon" mixed with "The French Connection" as portrayed by kids in the age range of 12-14.
• Looking for unknown actors to portray a couple who have never met in person but have fallen in love online. Must be willing to cyberchat your most intimate secrets to your costar.
• Seeking a rodeo clown with barrel rolling skills to take part in a film about jobs that are not appreciated by the general public.
• Think "The Avengers" with heroes you've never heard of. Casting athletic males 20-28 to portray heroes who want to do the right thing but can't afford a real headquarters. They meet in the basements of their homes. Gymnastics skills are a plus.
• Know your way around a video game? Would you be crushed if you couldn't play on a regular basis? Indie film looking for males and females 16-25. Must look the part of experienced gamers who have their world turned upside down when they each suffer an injury that ends their game playing days.

Do you fit any of the above parts? Think you have what it takes to book any of these jobs? If so, good luck and break a leg!

This actor always looks forward to auditions...And booking jobs.