How I Scared The Staff Of A Pet Store Out Of Their Minds

Zach goes to an acting class in Beverly Hills every Thursday night from 6:30pm-9pm(ish).  The class has really helped him open up as an actor and dig deep into his emotions.


It has also allowed me to realize the cliché is true - Beverly Hills is not a cheap place to kill time.


If I'm waiting on him by myself, I normally park at the acting studio and walk to the library.  A great place to relax and grab some books at the same time.


If I'm with Dana, we get something to eat and then drive around talking about where to kill time.  By the time we decide on a destination, it's usually time to get The Artist.


She went to the Beverly Center last night while I made my way back to the acting studio.  I arrived around 8:30pm and listened to the Kings hockey game until intermission.  The Dodgers were in a commercial break so I decided to listen to Radio Korea.


I'm not kidding.


I love Radio Korea.  It's the music I remember announced in a language I don't understand on AM radio.  You haven't really experienced "Welcome To The Jungle" until you've heard an excited Korean announcer playing the song on a static filled station.


It got to be around 8:50pm and I decided I should really use the free bathroom at the pet store next door before they closed at 9pm.


I walked in and there were a good seven people in line.  I walked out of the bathroom two minutes later and there were no other customers.


One thing you have to realize about closing time at stores in Los Angeles:


There's no polite "we're closing so please bring your final purchases to the front".  They just turn off the lights in the store as a sign for you to get out NOW!


I walked out of the bathroom to the sight of the lights turning off.  I quickly walked to the front to depart and said "Have a good night" to the three workers.  Two of them stared at me while the third one screamed, "Where did you come from????"

I didn't want to admit I was only there to use the bathroom.  I told them I was in the back of the store and didn't know it was closing time until the lights started turning off.  They asked me what I was looking for since I didn't have any items to purchase.


I quickly replied, "I was looking for a yak milk bone for my dog". 


Doc loves yak milk bones.  They are like doggy crack to him.  He is sweet and loving until you try and take his yak milk bone from him.  It's the only thing he will fight you for if you try and grab the bone from him.


I also knew I was safe because I've been in there before looking for yak milk bones and they don't carry them.  I was free and clear.


The one guy on duty replied, "You're in luck!  We just started carrying them."


Great.


I tried to talk my way out of it since they were closed but he insisted on giving me directions to the aisle where the yak milk bones were located.


I could hear them talking about me as I walked away from the front door.  They were trying to determine if I was there to rob the place.  I yelled, "By the way - I'm not a murderer!" from the back of the store.  They laughed and the tension was gone between all of us.


I couldn't find the stupid yak milk bones that I didn't even want to buy.  The male employee was on the loudspeaker telling me if I was getting warmer or colder in my search.  He gave up on me and sent one of the girls back to help me.


She couldn't find the bones.


The second girl came back to help us in our search.


She couldn't find the bones.


The second girl screamed "MARVIN, WE CAN'T FIND THE YAK MILK BONES FOR THIS WHITE GUY!!!!!!" at the top of her lungs.  Marvin left the front door and made his way to the back of the store to help us.  It was now their sole mission in life to find the yak milk bones.


Marvin walked up to us and calmly said, "No wonder you can't find them.  They're behind that pallet."


At last!  My way out had arrived!


I thanked them for their time and effort and told them I would come back later after the pallet was not in the aisle.  Marvin smiled and told me not to worry.  He would be happy to move the pallet for me.


Marvin couldn't figure out how to move the pallet so I gave him a quick lesson in how to operate a pallet jack.  The pallet was moved out of the way and the fabled yak milk bones were in sight.


I grabbed a pack of the bones and made my way to the front of the store.  I was set to check out only to discover the cash register was turned off (since they didn't think there were any customers left in the store).  I patiently waited for the register to turn on while the nice girl talked to me about her new fingernail polish.


I paid for the treats and left the building.  The last words I heard from Marvin as he locked the door behind me? 


"Thanks for not killing us."


Zach was walking out of acting class as I made my way to the car.  I thought he was going to bust a gut laughing at me as I told him the story.


It was all worth it when I got home.  The look of pure glee on Doc's face as he spotted the doggy crack made the whole adventure worth the weirdness.


The only downside to the night?


I have to find a new free bathroom destination in Beverly Hills.


The IMDB link to the kid that laughed at me last night

Casting Notice Roundup

Because at least seven of you demanded it....Here's my (latest) favorite casting notices:

***Balding 35-50 Caucasian Male for a Comedic Reaction Show (It's my type!!!)

***Worried French Mother who can handle snakes on camera

***Big Intimidating Caucasian Female Biker Chick 20-40

***Creeping Looking Caucasian Identical Female Twins 20-40

***Fair Complexion Females 24-32 willing to get sunburned multiple times on camera

***German Shepherds needed ASAP for driving scene in the Valley

***Twins 25-45 who don't speak the same language

***Are you male, ticklish and straight?

***Seeking extras (18+) with overly large teeth, mushy skulls, extra nipples, etc.

***Bubble Butt Ethnic Females 21-25 needed for music video

***Teenage boys with experience babysitting rabbits for instructional video

***Looking for out of shape Game of Thrones fan with own armor

If you fit any of these casting notices, you might be on your way to becoming a star!

I'm not going to share if this guy fits any of the casting notices.

A Story About Stand Up

After a long period of wanting to try stand up, being too nervous to try stand up, ready to finally try stand up and finding a place that allows a 15-year-old to do stand up...Zach did his first stand up gig earlier this month.

The occasion was a music festival put together by one of Zach's friends.  She was looking for performers to entertain the crowd between music acts and asked The Artist to handle a set that night.

Now that he had a date set for his stand up debut, what kind of material would he perform?  Would he stick to: 

***Kid friendly material ("How does anyone get convicted of a crime on Scooby Doo when the only witnesses are four kids who claim to have a talking dog?")

***Teen material ("Hey, how about that acne? Make some noise if you have new zits today!")

***Shocking Material (not his style)

After a few weeks of writing and editing, Zach came up with 5 solid minutes about adjusting to life in Los Angeles, the racial diversity in his options school and the crazy vibe of Hollywood Boulevard.

The gig was held at a nice little venue called The Lyric Theatre.  The club filled with around 100 people as the show started.  Dana and I were more nervous than Zach about the set.  We knew how hard he worked on writing, rewriting and sweating over the finer points of the set.

Once we found out what time he was going on that night (10ish), we decided to get some air and find something quick to eat.  The venue was located near La Brea and Melrose which meant we were near Pink's Hot Dogs!

Dana eats gluten free.  I try and eat gluten free as well at restaurants so she will have more options to choose from when dining out.  Pink's doesn't have a huge selection of gluten free items and we were in a hurry to get back to the club.  We decided on an order of chili cheese fries and an order of nachos. While they were very tasty, the items should have been listed as "two bowls of glop".  They came out of the kitchen looking like the type of food items you would have no idea what they're supposed to be if you weren't the person that ordered them.

We finished our glop and made our way back down La Brea.  After a 30-minute wait the moment (finally) arrived!  

It was time for his stand up set.  The musical act ended and Zach made his way to the stage.  He started talking and no one was paying much attention to the teenage kid talking about his life on stage.  

Kicking off his set

The first joke landed to a small amount of laughter.  His act was more of a storytelling set and not "punchline joke punchline joke".  He started his second story (about mishaps while playing football) and you could feel the audience start to pay attention to him.

He won them over talking about the types of tourists and characters you encounter on Hollywood Boulevard.  He was mentioning the desperation in the air on Hollywood Boulevard and segued with "Speaking of desperation...Van Nuys".  (If you're not from Los Angeles, trust me...it killed)

Nailing the Van Nuys joke

The five minutes flew by and he finished his set.  He exited the stage to a nice round of applause and a giant round of hugs from his friends.  

The kid went out and faced his fears by performing and succeeding.

He's already working on new material and we're looking for more venues that allow teen stand up acts.

He might have a new career path in front of him.

The IMDb page of a future stand up star

How To Be Two Places At The Same Time...In Rush Hour Traffic...On The 405

One of the more exciting projects Zach has been involved with lately is the filming of a pilot in downtown Los Angeles.

The pilot focuses on a group of young ladies trying to make it in Hollywood (think ladies that look like they could be on "The CW" but better dressed).

The call time for The Artist was 6pm on a Friday.  No problem....Right?

Wrong.

Zach's agent called at 2:15pm with a last minute audition scheduled for 5:50pm.  In Santa Monica. On a Friday afternoon.  Off the 405.  With no earlier audition times available.

Blergh.

Don't get me wrong.  We appreciate the audition.  This was just going to be a tight fit time-wise.

The first call was to the producers of the pilot.  They told us they understood our situation but if Zach wasn't there by 6:30pm they would have to shoot without him.

Zach and I headed out early to Santa Monica.  The earliest you could arrive for the audition was 4:30pm.  We pulled up at 4:28pm and (Miracle Number One) there was a parking space directly in front of the building!

We walked into the casting office and (while we were signing in) I explained our situation to the casting assistant.  She made no promises but she would try and get Zach in earlier than his appointment time.

Three minutes later, The Artist was paired with another teenage boy to improvise their audition in the hallway.  They would see the casting director in about five minutes (Miracle Number Two).

Zach completed the audition and we ran out the door to race to the set....And promptly saw two of his pals.  After too many minutes of talking, I got him to be quiet and get in the car.  It was about 5:45pm and we still had the 405 and the 10 to contend with on our drive downtown.

I'm not really sure how I avoided a speeding ticket (or five) but we made it to the set with about four minutes to spare (Miracle Number Three).

The set was located near the Fashion District AKA a fun section of town during the day and a "watch your back" section of town at night.

We entered the building and made our way to the set.

The first sight that greeted us was this elevator that had a bigger creep factor than Tower of Terror.

After filling out Z's paperwork it was time to get him into costume for the shoot.  His costume made him look exactly like a good 70-80% of the working actor population in Hollywood.

"Can I Take Your Order Please?"

Zach's good friend, Elyssa Rose, is featured in the pilot.  She's a talented young lady so feel free to check out her music at Ellysa Rose You Tube Page.

The set teacher was "Captain Rules & Regulations".  The shoot was on a Friday in downtown Los Angeles but he was determined to make sure the underage actors got their maximum amount of "down time" on set.

Not only was he "The Keeper of the Rules", he was also a camera hog!

I left the set about 9:30pm for a few reasons:

*I had been awake since 4:30am and was ready to call it a night.

*One of our best friends was on set with her kids so she offered to take Zach home.

*The Dodgers game from Australia was on at 1am so I needed a pregame power nap.

I headed to the truck and decided to tweet while walking.  My tweet set off a series of tweets between my sweet innocent self and the Downtown Los Angeles Twitter feed.  Here was my tweet that angered their Twitter guru:

9:30pm & I'm wandering around on foot in @DTLA. Here's hoping my body is not the top story on the 11pm news. #inthehood #LosAngeles

Somebody can't take a joke!  It was a sketchy walk and I stand by my statement.  (FYI...Downtown LA was crowded and full of life three blocks away from our location)

One more photo from the set.

The footage I saw of the pilot that night looked great.  I can't say too much about it because of non-disclosure forms, politeness and my tired state that night has left a few holes in my memory.

I can't wait to see the finished product!

A Click A Day Helps The Kid's IMDb Page!