A Terrorist Threat Or Just A Crazy Guy?

Christmas Day is always memorable thanks to family and friends.  Most people look back on Christmas as the time they got engaged, received a gift they weren't expecting or were reunited with family members.

We'll never forget Christmas 2014 thanks to our journey through three times zones and an unexpected landing in New Mexico.

The day started in the Central time zone as we started our journey back to California.  There were so few people at the Memphis Airport that the TSA employees were super chatty about their Christmas plans.  It almost seemed like they weren't really paying that much attention to screening luggage and carry on bags.

We flew from Memphis to Atlanta (time zone two) and had a two-hour layover that gave us time to eat a relaxing lunch.  We boarded the plane for Los Angeles to head home for Christmas night.

Does this sound like a routine flying day to you?  Yes, it was a normal/boring day.  It also goes to show you how a day can turn from boring to scary in an instant.

We were flying on a Delta Airlines 767.  A large plane filled with 200 people heading home to Los Angeles as well as a variety of folks on their way to Northern California, Paris and a handful of other destinations.  We were already past Albuquerque when the Captain came on the loudspeaker and announced we needed to make a emergency landing in Albuquerque due to "a security issue that needed to be taken care of immediately".  He also mentioned we needed more fuel for the flight home due to doubling back to Albuquerque.  We would be landing in New Mexico in about 20 minutes so we were advised to "sit back, relax and prepare for landing".  We were also asked to stay in our seats and not get up until otherwise told by the flight crew.

You could see the instant "oh crap" look on the faces of the passengers.  

I was three rows in front of Dana and Zach.  I couldn't see them but knew I wanted to check on them. Before I could get up, one of the flight attendants came by my seat.  I was next to a kid in his early 20's who politely asked the attendant how long the stop was going to last.  The attendant looked at us and said "it all depends on how long it takes to get it off the plane".

"It"??????

I don't normally talk to strangers next to me on a plane but the kid and I launched into a conversation about "it".  

***Was there someone on board with a gun or bomb?

***Were we being hijacked?  Would we end up in a tropical destination or a dictatorship?

***Did someone call in a bomb threat?

***Was someone threatening to shoot us out of the sky?

***Did some threaten to fly the plane into a building?

***Will our flight be another mysterious disappearance?

***We flew out of Atlanta so was it a drunk rapper causing the problems?

All I knew was I needed to check on Dana and Zach.  I got up acting like I was heading to the bathroom and made a beeline to their row.  There wasn't much time to talk since we were about to land.  We made sure each of us was okay and said "I love you" to each other.  I headed back to my seat to await the landing.

The flight attendants strapped in for the landing and dropped their smiles as they settled into their seats in the back of the plane.  It was the first time I saw them show concern about the situation.

Family members were holding hands across the aisle and parents did their best to keep their kids calm and quiet.

The plane touched down and the pilot reminded us to remain in our seats.  Everyone did just that as they turned on their cell phones to update loved ones.  Dana and I texted back and forth as I filled her in on the phrase "it all depends on how long it takes to get it off the plane".

We were seated WAY in the back of the plane which added to the stress of the situation.  We had no idea what was happening in the front that was causing the emergency landing.  All we could see was a flurry of activity and people moving up and down the front aisle of the plane.

It turns out a passenger in first class was being disruptive and making threats on the plane.  One of the attendants told us they gave the passenger three or four warnings before the pilot decided to take action and make the emergency landing.  The authorities boarded the plane and arrested the disruptive passenger.  They took him away for questioning by the FBI.  According to various news websites, he was investigated but not charged with any crimes.  The same flight attendant also shared the fact the passenger seemed wasted on drugs and completely out of it.

Can you see me waving at you from the plane?

After the passenger was removed from the plane, the pilot came on the loudspeaker and filled us in on the situation.  He gave everyone permission to get up and walk around while the plane was being fueled and prepared to fly to Los Angeles.

I've been stuck on planes where no one could get out of their seats during emergency stops so it was a nice change of pace.  Once when I lived in Memphis, I was flying back to town in a plane that had to make a emergency stop in Nashville.  The stop was so bumpy and terror filled that I walked off with my carry on luggage and proceeded to the rental car companies.  I rented a car and drove back to Memphis.  If Albuquerque wasn't so far from Los Angeles, I would have done the same thing and rented a car to get home.

After a 90 minute wait, we were finally able to take off for home.  Almost.  

Our plane had to taxi to the other side of the airport to find a runway big enough for the plane to depart.  It turns out that Albuquerque doesn't get planes that large on a regular basis so they weren't sure if we could safely take off from the airport.

Once we were in the air everyone was still on edge.  There were so many people that missed their connecting flights, as well as Christmas dinner with their families, that the entire flight was filled with a grumpy group of people.

I don't think I've ever been so happy to see LAX (third time zone).  We were one of the last passengers to get off the plane because we wanted to give people with connecting flights a chance to get started on finding new flights.  Hardly anyone said "thanks" or "Merry Christmas" or "sorry you had to deal with the crazy guy" to the flight crew.  The three of us made sure to thank the entire flight crew as we left the aircraft.  Their holiday was just as messed up as the passengers.  They also had the extra stress of having to remain calm for our benefit as well as the whacked out guy making threats.

It was 10pm by the time we got off the plane, got our bags, waited for the shuttle to the parking garage, found our truck and made it home to Sherman Oaks.  We started our day at 8am Memphis time.  I'm not sure how many hours that works out to thanks to the time zone changes.  I do know we were too tired and strung out to open presents last night.  We ate pizza and went straight to bed after we got home.

It was definitely an adventure that makes you appreciate your family.  Here's hoping that New Year's Eve (and Day) are much calmer!!!!

Will This Story Make It Into His Stand Up Act???

Are You Ready To Answer The Casting Call Of Fame????

Even though we're at the start of the holiday production shutdown in Hollywood, producers are already thinking ahead to their big projects for 2015.  In fact, many new casting notices have landed in my inbox in the past few days.  For the final time in 2014, let's take a look at the latest (and kind of the greatest) casting notices in Hollywood!

*Hispanic 20-32 female with an accurate British accent to play the leader of a sexy all girl motorcycle gang.

*Short, thin 40-50 Asian male who enjoys mud wrestling to be part of a "dirty crew" in a SAG short.

*Handsome yet creepy guy 25-35 with a great body and dulled emotions.

*Hot cougar 55+ who's into yoga and gambling for an industrial film.

*Sexy Russian mermaid 22-25 who is willing to shoot in non-water environments for 2-3 weeks.

*Looking for a Tom Cruise type for an action film.  Must be mid-80s/early-90s Tom Cruise and not present day Tom Cruise.

*Looking for Los Angeles residents who proudly don't know any language besides English.  Don't care to communicate with anyone if they don't speak your language?  We're looking for you!!!

*Comfortable dating, partying and talking about your hook-ups?  Our show is all about kissing, telling and celebrating the way you spend your nights.  Open to anyone 21-70.

*Can you get me in the door at a major network?  I've written three scripts that are hits in the making.  Get me in the door and I'll reward you with a percentage of any sales.

(Not really a casting notice but I found it to be an interesting way to solicit help)

*Do you look like Rose Byrne but have the acting style of Meryl Streep?  Looking for a 30-40 Caucasian with the acting skills of an Oscar winner and the look of a bored housewife.  Must be willing to say any and all swear words we throw at you.

Do any of these projects sound like a fit for you?  Break a leg at your audition!!!

I Hope This Guy Doesn't Fit Any Of These Casting Notices.

A Series Of (Quick) Scenes From Hollywood

***The big news this week has been Sony pulling "The Interview" from movie theaters before its Christmas Day opening.  According to Sony, there is absolutely no way the film will be released on the 25th.  Then why do I keep seeing billboards for the movie all over town?

My phone photo was too dark so I grabbed this photo from USA Today

Shouldn't the first order of business for their marketing team be to take down all of the billboards and bus advertisements???

***Everywhere you go there are people talking about the Sony decision.  You can't go anywhere without a coffee shop employee, record store hipster, gym rat or grocery store checkout clerk giving you their opinion on the decision.

***Zach and Dana left town on Thursday for the Christmas holiday.  I dropped them off at the airport at 4:30pm.  At 4:40pm, my phone rang with a commercial job offer for Zach.  The person was understanding but I hate that he missed the job.  It never fails.  He always gets a job offer when he is out of town.  I've received calls on airplanes waiting to take off, in the middle of the woods in Oregon, at a Walmart in Arkansas and at a Fatburger in Las Vegas.

***One of the main reasons I hate he missed the gig is the annual industry shutdown.  Hollywood pretty much comes to a halt from the days leading up to Christmas through the first Monday of the new year.  Don't get me wrong.  It's nice to have a break but a little extra money is always a good thing.

***I've been getting a ton of emails from shows looking for audience members in January.  It's pretty easy to get tickets to see Kimmel and Conan.  Ellen is a tougher ticket to obtain.  Plus, there are other shows that look for audience members such as "The Talk", "Let's Make A Deal", "Dancing With The Stars" and "Whose Line Is It Anyway" (to name a few).  It's a shame that Craig Ferguson is no longer doing his nightly talk show.  It was far and away my favorite late night program.

***Once the holidays are done, there is a period of about two weeks where the industry begins to ramp up for the new year.  It's also pilot season where everyone hopes to be cast on a network television pilot.  I'll have more to say about that in the near future.

***Have a very happy holiday season.  Thank you for continuing to support my blog this year.  I'll talk to you again before the end of 2014!

I'm Not Done Shopping For This Actor Yet!

Want To Make Sure Your Kid Doesn't Book A Job?

I witnessed one of my all time favorite "parent audition moves" this past week.  I felt bad for the kid actor yet was completely amused by the entire incident.

Zach had an audition on Thursday afternoon at Paramount Studios.  The audition fell in the middle of three events that were happening within two hours.  

Dana and I were working a jewelry show in Studio City so Zach had to be ready for the audition well before the actual audition time.  We went to Studio City at 3pm  to set up for the show while hoping that the "Pineapple Express" storm held off until after the show.  We left Dana at 3:30pm and raced to Paramount Studios. His actual audition time was 4:45pm but I wanted to get him in early because he had another audition at Second City at 5:30pm.  Paramount and Second City are only a little over a mile apart but I wasn't willing to risk getting stuck in LA traffic.

We arrived at 4pm and parked near the Gower gate.  Paramount is a huge lot with a variety of programs filming at any given time.

We got lucky in that the audition room was about 30-seconds away from the gate we used to enter the lot.  The audition was in the Lucy Bungalow Building.  The building is the site of Lucille Ball's personal bungalow/office/dressing room.  The Paramount lot was the site of Desilu Gower Studios from 1957-1967 and "The Lucy Show" was filmed there in the 1960s.

The bungalow is attached to Stage 25 which is often called "lucky" because so many shows there have gone on to great success.  A few of the shows filmed there include "The Lucy Show", "Bosom Buddies", "Cheers" and "Frasier".

We signed in for the audition and waited for Zach's turn.  There was a flurry of activity between casting directors, wardrobe people and various assistants coming in and out of the hallway.  It's getting near the end of year shutdown time for Hollywood so everyone is moving at double speed to get work finished before the break.

There were about 15 people waiting for their time in front of the casting director.  The show was casting for a variety of parts so young and old males and females filled the room.  

At one point the casting director came out and couldn't read the next name on the list.  She tried her best to get the name out but no one was helping her identify the person in question.  In the middle of her frustration, a mother decided to ask a question.  She asked this simple, yet badly timed, question:

"Do you validate parking?"

The question hung in the air as everyone processed what a bad idea it was to ask that question at that moment.  I imagined all of our faces looked like this:

The casting director looked at her, she took a good look at the child there with the mother, and then took one more good look at the mother,  She gave her a very cold and stern "NO" before skipping the name she had been trying to pronounce.

It was easy to tell the poor kid had absolutely no chance at booking the job thanks to his mom. It's always amazing how some people can't read social cues in any situation.

We haven't heard yet if Zach booked the role but I'm confident he still has a chance (unlike the other kid)!

This Actor Knows How To Read The Room

A Very Hollywood Holiday Party

I had the pleasure of attending the SAG-AFTRA Holiday Party tonight.  The party was located at their headquarters on Wilshire Blvd.

Advertised as a night to relax and unwind, it quickly turned into a evening full of people trying to convince everyone else in the room that they have better acting credits.

When you think about it, all of the SAG-AFTRA members in the room have found success because they work enough to be members of the union that represents over 160,000 film, television and radio professionals.  That fact didn't keep everyone from trying to "one-up" anyone within listening distance.

It was like being trapped in a room full of Troy McClures.  "You might know me from my work in the 80s as the voice of the 3rd raisin in the primetime special, 'Meet The Raisins', on CBS".

There was no dress code for the event.  The range of clothes ran from suits to jeans to people who looked like they just emerged from a duck blind.

Here's a rundown of my favorite lines from the night.  Some were said directly to me while I heard the other lines while walking around the party.

*"This is your first year as a member of the union?  How quaint.  I've been a member since before my first facelift."

*"Yo, man!  We did that Doritos commercial together!  Remember when I got drunk and nodded off with my face in a bag of that stuff?  It was like a Doritos cocaine party!!!!"

*"You realize he's only been a glorified extra in a bunch of shows.  I played a coffee shop worker in two episodes of a CW show.  I actually had to hand coffee cups to the lead actors!"

*"My latest project is a cross between 'Law & Order' and 'The Andy Griffith Show' where a folksy lawman solves sex crimes committed by mountain folk on a weekly basis".

*"Your son is an actor?  That's great.  I can easily pass for a teen."  (Of course the guy that said this to me was balding with a beer gut and a wooden leg)

*"Hey!  I remember you!  We did a play together.  You were the lead and I was dressed as a dancing tomato next to the singing onions."

*"People say I remind them of a young Tom Cruise.  I think I look more like a buff Jack McBrayer."

*"We're working on the budget now.  It will play like a cross between 30 Rock and The Love Boat.  They're really similar shows in terms of their jokes."

It was a big night for Zach since it was his first party as a SAG-AFTRA member.  We enjoyed dinner with a group of people from Chicago, Kansas City, Virginia and Montana.  Zach held his own with each person he met at the party.  I was very impressed with his politeness as well as his ability to "talk shop" with people from all walks of life.

He also looked super sharp at the party.

I can't wait to look for some of the people I met on the big, and small, screen.  I always wanted to know the guy who was beat out for a cab by Jason Segel on "How I Met Your Mother".

I'm Proud Of This Guy For Being A SAG-AFTRA Member

He's The Actor, I'm The Dadager With A 101 Fever

Greetings from Hollywood!


I had all sorts of items I wanted to discuss after the Thanksgiving break but my first fever of 2014 has slowed down my ability (and desire) to write a new post.


Let's keep this one simple and go through some casting calls and random thoughts:


*Zach has an audition tomorrow in North Hollywood.  The casting office is next door to a super creepy Toyota (where the 134 meets the 101) where there are a couple of dozen mannequins frozen in some kind of salute.  Maybe it's a "Go Toyota" salute?


*I just checked my fever and the thermometer read "110".  I'm going to assume my vision is blurry (since I'm not in a coma) and says it's really "101".


*A casting director is looking for a "attractive and unstable female who is a firecracker ex-wife in real life".


*A casting call for a "perverted and awkward Caucasian" is a very generic casting call in Hollywood.  You can go on any street and find that type.


*We were in Nashville over the weekend.  Lower Broadway in downtown Nashville is like Hollywood Blvd if you substitute cowboys for superheroes.


*A Los Angeles based reality show company is looking for attractive single mothers willing to have another child with no strings attached from the father.  Classy.


*A clothing company is looking for James Bond look-a-likes from the entire spectrum of Bond actors.  Does that include David Niven?


*I walked past a film crew last week and enjoyed watching two guys try to negotiate a elephant costume into a Mustang Convertible.


*I just realized I've been staring at the screen for ten minutes.  I checked my fever and it is still "101".  I should call it a night.  Talk to you soon.


Have To Keep My Germs Away From This Actor