When Is An Audition Not An Audition?

(All images in this post removed per the request of the NCAA.)

Zach and I have been in Los Angeles for a little over 2 years.  I thought we had experienced some odd days as he chases his acting dream.  I have to say that Saturday the 15th was the weirdest day we've ever had in Hollywood.

The adventure started the night before at 6pm as we got an audition notice through one of the casting websites.  The audition was scheduled for noon.  I requested a later time (2pm) because Zach was scheduled to perform at Second City at Noon.

I requested the change...And never heard back from the casting director.

Saturday morning arrived and still no word from the casting people.  We were walking out the door to Second City when a note telling us Zach's audition time was confirmed popped up on his account.  Unfortunately, the audition was still confirmed for the same time as his show.

We decided to just go to the audition after Second City and see if the casting group would let him audition at 2pm.  If they decided not to see him, no harm done driving to the place.

The audition was for a NCAA PSA.  They were looking for 9th and 10th graders with football experience.  They also asked the kids auditioning for the spot to bring their football gear so the casting team could assess their skill level.

After the Second City show, we made our way from Hollywood to Chatsworth.  We arrived at the audition location which turned out to be the local high school.  Zach checked in and they handed him a jersey, a helmet and a 10-page test packet.

A 10-page what?????

Zach looked confused but he took his test into the next room.  The test consisted of math, geography, spelling and biology questions.  He finished the test and was told to wait until it was time for him to leave the room.  He stayed in the waiting room with the other football players.

A variety of things struck us as odd the moment we walked into the holding room with Zach:

1. There were 4 or 5 PA's running around and a few line producers.  Why would they need all of these guys at an audition?

2. The holding room was full of sandwich platters, deli plates, snacks and drinks.  Why was there so much food (enough to feed a film crew) at an audition?  A typical audition is 5-15 minutes long (depending on the wait time to see the casting director).

3.  After chatting with some of the other parents, it became obvious that Zach was the only kid in the room brought in from the casting website.  All of the other kids were recruited from local football programs.

4. We arrived at 1:45pm.  Some of the parents had been there with their kids since 10am.  Why was it taking so long?

Zach sat in the holding room from 2pm-3:30pm.  The kids were only allowed to be in the holding room or in the small patch of grass outside the door.  They were not allowed to go near the football field.  Parents had to be escorted to the bathrooms as well as any other buildings on the school grounds.

The Artist and his crew of football players made their way to the field at 3:30pm.  Our curiosity got the better of us so Dana and I told the parking gate security guy that we needed to get some fresh air since "we weren't feeling well."  We made our way around the building to an area of the fence where we could watch the audition without being spotted by the crew.

There are certain body types in football.  You can look at a player and tell if he is a running back or a linebacker or a guard.  The crew had all of the players lined up together running pass routes.  The coach that the casting directors hired was just pointing at the players and having them run routes. There was no planning or breaks.  Just one pass after another for 10-15 minutes.

The coach would stop the players every 15 minutes and pick out four players to sit on the bench.  The players would not be told anything they did right or wrong,  They would just be sent to the bench where they sat there looking around and seeming confused by the whole audition.  After another 15 minutes, the players on the bench were sent home for the day and replaced by 4 more players to sit and wonder what was going on at that moment.

The football practice included a full camera crew capturing the practice routes.  Why did they need to run so many routes and why did they need to capture the routes from so many angles?  And why was the coach making the giant defensive backs run pass routes?

We watched for about an hour and went back to the holding area to a bathroom break with some of the other parents.  The guy that shared my bathroom break made a phone call to a friend in the middle of doing his business in the stall.  He was talking to his buddy on the speaker phone when they suddenly launched into a version of Todd Rundgren's "Hideaway".  I like the song but I could have gone my whole life without hearing a duet of the tune coming from a bathroom stall.

Here's a link to the song if you've never heard it:

Todd Rundgren's "Hideaway"

I escaped the duet and hooked up with Dana and our PA escort to head back to the holding area. He apologized for the audition taking so much time.  We told him we were fine but were confused by the amount of people working on a simple audition.

He stopped, looked at us and said "Can you keep a secret?"  He then proceeded to tell us the day long audition was actually the commercial shoot.  They didn't want to tell the kids so they could capture genuine reaction shots when the bench started talking to them.

Excuse me????

The PSA was conceived by the NCAA to promote good grades and staying in school.  The test at the start of the day was to determine the education level of each kid.  The players would go to the bench in groups of four.  They would sit there for 2-3 minutes and then "the bench" would start asking the players questions about their GPA's and their study habits.  The bench was rigged with a hidden mic and speaker with the person asking the questions hidden in the press box.

After the players were done being questioned, they would be taken off the field and sent home so they couldn't tip off the other players.

Zach's group was the last group of the day to be sent to the bench.  They were super excited because they were the last players on the field.  They were certain they had booked the commercial!

The look on Zach's face was fantastic when he entered the holding room at the end of the day.  He walked up to me and asked, "Do you have any idea what happened on the field today?"  I smiled and told him I didn't know until about an hour before the shoot ended.  He was certain that Dana and I had set him up to be on a hidden camera/prank show.

I told him we would explain everything after we got in the car.  We had to make sure the paperwork was filled out to pay the talent fee to Dana or myself.

Why?

The NCAA couldn't pay the kids/athletes because it would mess up their chances for a scholarship down the road if they received a payment from the NCAA.  (Don't worry...We'll give him the money when it is mailed to us.)

We explained everything to Zach in the car on the way home.  He told us the kids were sitting on the bench when a voice from under the bench started yelling at them.  The bench "asked" them about their GPA's and started picking on the kid that had the lowest GPA.  The bench "lectured" them and told jokes for 10 minutes and then sent them away.

It also turns out the "coach" was not a real coach.  He just returned to Los Angeles from Branson after performing in a series of shows with Kenny Rogers.

All of the kids seemed super confused by the experience!

To recap:

*We received an audition notice

*We requested to reschedule the audition

*We never heard back from the casting people

*The "audition" consisted of a state education test, only one working teen actor (Zach), secrecy,
 a Todd Rundgren bathroom duet, talking benches and singing coaches.

It all turned out well but the three of us were brain dead by the end of the day.  All of us agree that it was the single weirdest acting experience we've had (so far) in Hollywood.

The IMDb Of The Only Professional Teen Actor On Set

My Fingers Don't Feel Tired After 100 Posts

I really wanted to theme this post with a cute/clever subject since it's post number 100 for me.  I could have talked about:

*100 auditions

*100 improv shows

*100 runs to In-N-Out or Fatburger

*100 times being stared at while driving through Beverly Hills in a red truck listening to Charlie Rich or Jerry Reed or Faron Young or (fill in the blank with another 60s/70s country singer)

*100 times a stranger has started a conversation with me by asking, "What's your latest project?"

*100 times Dana has commented on the fact that every female weather reporter in Los Angeles dresses like a stripper

*100 times I've run lines with The Artist

*100 times I've tried to overcome being a guy and make sure Zach's clothes match for an audition

*100 times sitting on the 405...or the 5...or the 101...or the 10...

*100 times watching parents do their best to psych out kids of all ages before they walk into an audition

*100 times I've seen a tourist almost get nailed by a car on Hollywood Blvd because he (or she) is too busy taking photos and not paying attention to street lights. (I was once told by a tourist who almost get hit by a car until I grabbed his arm, "We don't have much traffic where I'm from in Arkansas.  Do I have to wait for the light to change before I cross?" After that statement, I was kind of sorry I didn't let him get nailed by the Lexus.)

*100 times I've sat before a computer screen and wondered what to write about for my latest post

All of the above points might not have happened 100 times...But it sure feels like it!

Thanks for stopping by my blog 100 times to check out the acting adventures of The Artist!

Here's to the next 100 times I get to share the latest from Hollywood with you!

The IMDb page of the main subject of this blog

Who Is Zach's New Agent?

It is official.  Zach has signed on the dotted line and is a member of the Abrams Artists Agency family.

The Abrams Logo

We knew Zach was with them because his profile had been updated on IMDb as well as the various casting boards and industry websites.  I just didn't want to announce the agency name on this blog until we had the signing meeting.

The agency is located on Sunset Blvd (on the border of West Hollywood and Beverly Hills).  It's a super busy part of town so there is very little street parking available.  The office building parking garage is valet only.

I always feel like a giant redneck when I valet park my big red pickup.

You can't simply walk to the elevator and go to the office.  You have to check-in with the security guard who walks you to the elevator and presses the floor button for you.

The afternoon of the signing was funny because it was supposed to involve a leisurely drive to the office to do the paperwork.  The agency called me earlier in the afternoon with an audition for The Artist.  I replied, "Great!  But it's at the same time as the signing."

They decided to move the signing appointment up so we can handle both appointments.  Once I got off work I called Zach and told him to meet me at the front door.  I raced down Ventura Boulevard and barely stopped long enough for him to jump in the truck.  We roared down Laurel Canyon and made it to Abrams. Dana met us there and we proudly watched Zach officially sign on with one of the best agencies in Hollywood.

Zach has four friends that are represented by Abrams so we feel like it's a good fit for him.

Look!  It's Sunset Boulevard!

We headed downstairs to retrieve my classy truck from valet so we could make our way to the audition.  After a quick stop at Pinkberry (hey....a teen actor has to keep his strength up with some yummy yogurt), we went to the audition.  Zach ran into a kid he did a short film with, another teen that was part of his "Modern Family" football team and a buddy from improv.

Even if Zach doesn't land the role, he did land some quality bonding time with his peers.

The night ended with a stop at his manger's office.  Zach delivered cupcakes (and a hug) to thank her for all of her help in landing him a new agent.  His manager is always there for him and it means the world to Zach.

Plus, she puts up with my questions and odd ideas...Which means I love her as well!

The IMDb link for a guy who has a brand new agent