Conversations About "The Business"

No matter where you go in Hollywood, it seems like people are always talking about "the business". While the movie and television industry are a big part of this town, listening to random conversations reveals there is a "show business superstar" in everyone.

Here are seven of my favorite show biz related conversations I've heard in the past few weeks:

1. "I just finished a treatment for a gritty reboot of Howard the Duck for Phase 4 of the Marvel movies. In my treatment, he becomes a contestant on a Big Brother type show and teaches everyone the best and worst mankind has to offer while also trying to win the competition."
2. "I told him I would love to sing backup at the Hollywood Bowl but then I found out if was for the Muppets. Everyone will be looking at the singing frog instead of me!"
3. "I had lunch on the Warner Brothers lot last week. I didn't have a meeting there. I decided to sneak onto the lot to take a selfie for my IMDb page."
4. "The entire role consisted of me not speaking and staying in one place on the ground for 7 hours covered in fake blood. I can't wait to tell my acting coach!!!"
5. "I don't get why Netflix didn't go with my TGIF revival idea. I can totally see Urkel, Balki and any random cast member they can get from Step by Step living together in a Real World type show. It would be a hit!"
6. "I hope he makes it to Hollywood on the next season of American Idol. I think all of the camera time I get rooting for him in  the audience will help raise my profile in the industry."
7. "I booked a commercial where I play second banana to a dog. I've been working in the industry much longer than that mutt so this is completely unfair."

As long as there are show business dreams, there will be plenty of conversations like the ones listed above. I'll be sure and keep a notebook on me so I can write down more odd conversations to share with you in the coming months.

This Actor Has Been Appearing On Stage For The Past Three Months.

An Overnight Hospital Adventure

We had an interesting weekend as Dana ended up at the emergency room on Saturday night/Sunday morning due to intense pain. It's become a joke in our family that something always happens in March that requires her to have surgery.  It is now March so (of course) we ended up at the hospital.

We arrived around 1AM and I let her out at the front door so she wouldn't have to walk from the parking lot. I parked the car and was approached by the security patrol. They started asking me all about my exciting night. I had no idea what they were talking about but they whooped loudly, gave me a high five and left to bother other people. I saw a security guard as I entered the building and mentioned that my wife had just walked in the door. Before I could ask how to get to the emergency room, he pointed down the hallway and sent me on my way. I went down the hallway where a nurse grabbed me before I could say anything. She told me my wife was upstairs and put me on an elevator. When I exited the elevator, I found myself in a maternity ward. Two nurses approached me so I could see my wife before the baby was born. I explained my situation and they seemed disappointed in me after they realized I wasn't there to be a new father. I reminded them there was a guy somewhere in the building looking for his wife and maybe they should go find him. They ran off to look for the dad and I went off in search of the emergency room.

I finally found Dana as she was being admitted to a room. She put on her patient gown and went to the bathroom to give a urine sample. I waited in the room as a "Code Gray" came over the intercom. "Code Gray" means there is a combative person that needs to be calmed down or restrained. I could hear a woman loudly yelling that "they didn't know what she had been through", "she doesn't like to be tied down" and "she'll kick people in places they didn't know they had on their bodies". Dana missed all of this because the combative person was restrained by the time she got out of the bathroom.

The rooms started filling up as the night continued. The guy next to us had to be a cocaine addict. His nose was bleeding everywhere because "he hurt his nose and had to put some packing in it". When asked which side of his nose he hurt, he replied with the left side. Five minutes later, it was the right side. Wait, maybe it was the left side. At one point, the doctor asked him "Do you have any idea if you actually hurt your nose or can I have the real story?" I do know the guy was the biggest wimp in the world as he yelled for the nurse every 10 minutes because "he was hurting".

While Dana had x-rays and various tests throughout the night, there were more all star patients entering the emergency room arena:

• The guy telling a long winded story about the 3 times he was struck by a car
• The patient who lost a finger or two in a combine accident
• The person who swallowed a goldfish belonging to a neighbor before coughing up blood
• The rocket scientist who fell off the back of a truck while sitting on a washing machine (his brother didn't have ropes so he was sitting on the machine so it wouldn't move)
• One guy who kept saying the words "California Chicken Wrap" in relation to his emergency but was unable to give more details

My favorite person was actually not in the emergency room. I went to the cafeteria around 4AM to get a snack and some caffeine. I walked in to find a guy standing all alone in front of the vending machines. He was yelling at the soda machine for taking his money, the snack machine for talking back to him and the coffee machine for being a "demon filled with the hot liquid that the wicked and unjust will get after death". He turned around and looked at me in silence. I calmly said it looked like he was having a moment with the machines and I would come back after he was done showing them the error of their ways. I calmly turned around and swiftly made my way back to the emergency room.

Dana was discharged at 7AM and we still don't have a definitive answer to her March medical mystery. Any good thoughts you can send her way would be greatly appreciated. Also, let me know if you have any idea how a California Chicken Wrap can result in a trip to the emergency room.

This actor stayed home to keep the dog calm while mom was at the hospital.

Everybody's Talkin' In Hollywood

I've mentioned before how you can't go anywhere in the Los Angeles area without hearing conversations about movies and television or seeing a film crew in action. I work from home but often travel around town for meetings. I hear a lot of odd conversations during my time out in the real world and thought I'd share some of them with you.

1. "I told my kid to take his Halloween costume to Hollywood Blvd for a few days and make money as one of the characters on the street. He'll see that nobody cares about Green Lantern when he comes back with no money."
2. "I like to think of my script as a cross between Ferris Bueller's Day Off and The Purge by showing the real reason kids ditch school is to put lawlessness in action."
3. "I normally don't mind being recognized but there are times I wish I could just disappear much like Bridget Fonda's career!"
4. "The casting director had the nerve to tell me that my headshot didn't look anything like me. Does he expect me to still use the same amount of Juvederm I had before that photo session?"
5. "I tried to get in the audience for her late night talk show appearance but her agency wouldn't return my calls. See if I'm nice to her next time I wait on her table!!!"
6. "I once saw a stage mom try to seduce a PA so her kid would get more screen time. I don't think she understands who has any sort of power on a film set."
7. "The crew didn't get the proper permits to film at the mall. I don't care who you are but Santa Claus still gets the prime real estate spot at the mall during the holidays."
8. "Is it a bad sign that I called my agent's office and the number now belongs to a dry cleaner?"
9. "I told him the best way for our comedy gigs to get attention is to find a club that is fine with us hosting in the nude. They'll either laugh at our material or our bodies but at least they'll be laughing."
10. "I like to think of myself as a leading man trapped in the body of an extra trying hard to be noticed by the camera as well as the director and the crew and the producers and anyone else in charge on set."

I hope everyone I quoted above achieves their dreams...Or at least gets the answers to their questions!

This actor has a comedy gig on Thursday night at Flappers in Burbank.