Ready For A Reality TV Roundup?

With the not so surprising news about the breakup of Mama June and Sugar Bear, I was reminded it's been too long since I featured a rundown of my favorite reality TV casting notices.

Here they are (in no particular order):

*Does your partner know you like to dress up in a superhero costume in your spare time?

*Are you a hardcore rapper who happens to be stone cold Caucasian?

*Do you wish you could be the next Rich Little?

*Have you ever wanted to spend the day with David Hasselhoff???

*Seeking couples who are also travel agents with dreams of owning their own personal jet for trips!

*Seeking pet detectives willing to do a "ride along" with various animals.

*What do you get when you put a gay male, a straight multiracial couple, three teenagers, two senior citizens, a goldfish and four dogs in the same estate?

*Feeling OC Housewives pretty but stuck wearing Valley Mom Jeans?

*Experience Rodeo Drive style on a Watts budget.

*Burned by the Kickstarter process?  Raise the money but fail at perks fulfillment?

*Are you known as the meanest umpire in your Little League system?

*We want to go behind the mask and find out what it's like to be a theme park mascot.

Congratulations if you fit any of these casting notices!  You could be the next big Reality TV star!

#realitytv #castingnotices #nextbigthing #hollywood #losangeles

The Reality Is That This Kid Is About To Shoot A TV Pilot

Everybody's Talkin' Show Business At Me

I've mentioned before the amount of people in this town that are trying to make it in show business. It seems each day is a front row seat to view actors, writers, directors, producers, etc. trying their best to make their dreams come true.

I decided to devote one work week to keeping track of each time I was involved in a conversation or witness to a conversation involving show business in any way, shape or form.

I didn't write down the names of the folks involved in the conversations so no names were changed in the making of this blog post.  

Here we go!

Monday:

***In line at 7-Eleven when two guys behind me launch into a conversation about how Netflix will soon own the rights to sporting events.

***Waiting at a red light and watching the two cars in front of me pass head shots and scripts between each other.

***Walking Doc when a homeless guy approaches me asking for money to eat as well as wanting my opinion about "Guardians of the Galaxy" being the new template for superhero movies.

Tuesday:

***Leaving the Burbank Airport when I see a guy on the street with a sign that says, "Honk if you'd like to cast me in your movie".

(AKA Burbank Airport)

***Zach's manager emails to make sure we're all coming to a red carpet event at The Grove in a few weeks.

***I stop by Starbucks for a smoothie and witness a couple acting out their breakup in one act play form for the crowd.

***I receive an update on Zach's shooting dates in Colorado in October.

***A customer at Ralph's lets everyone know his opinion of the lack of premiere dates on many of the fall TV billboards.

(I'm looking you in your one Eye CBS!)

Wednesday:

***I go to a business meeting at a bakery in Beverly Hills.  No one was reading the LA Times but four different tables were deep in conversations about box office numbers and contracts.
***I go outside to walk Doc and find a set of headshots left on the curb.  Did the actor lose them the night before in a drunken haze or did he decide to give up on his showbiz dreams?
***I get an email from the company that produces "Wipeout" promoting their next wave of programming.
***A guy at the gym asks me to spot him as he is working on his upper body to "wow the casting director community".

Thursday:
***I receive a text from one of the parents I met during the filming of "Marshall The Miracle Dog" wanting some advice about where to stay in Los Angeles for Pilot Season.

(Hello from Los Angeles. Wish you were here.)

***The cashier at Vons tells me he was in one of the party scenes of "Project X".  (FYI...I didn't ask him anything about the movie)
***Two guys walking down the street were discussing how much they enjoy being their own reps.  In other words...They don't have agents.
***I heard one lady tell her kid, "Mommy wants you to know that no matter how big she gets, she'll always have time to take you to the babysitter." (I'm not sure why but that is my favorite quote of the week)

Friday:
***The guy working at the gas station told another customer he was looking forward to finishing his screenplay about a guy working at a store and his buddy that works next door to him. (I believe it was already made as "Clerks")
***I walk out to my car to find a crazy guy screaming movie quotes at the top of his lungs.  After each quote he would ask "How am I doing?????"
***I get two random Facebook messages asking me the best way to find a better agent.

The grand total of "industry talk"?

I'd like to thank everyone for playing...Even though you weren't aware you were part of my experiment!

My Favorite Teen Dream Next Generation Actor.

Hollywood Housecleaning

We've spent the past week moving from our townhome of two years to our new townhome of two days.  The move has left little time for blogging.


I really need to be hanging some pictures right now. How about a quick update instead?


*Zach's "Camp Abercorn" project has been moved to October as the production company continues to work on location scouting.


*A bunch of his actor buddies helped us move to the new place.  They are all good kids but it's funny to watch them move stuff since they are "programmed" to look good at all times.  There is only so far they are willing to go before they start to worry about their "look".  Having said that, I couldn't have done the move without them.


*It only took Dana two years after moving to California but she finally lives in a place with a pool.


*Our new place has 16 townhomes and one odd rule:  All dogs have to enter and exit the building through the garage.  Doc can't figure out why he's not allowed to go through the front door.


*I was at the grocery store last night and heard two guys discussing their dream plan to reboot the "Fat Albert" character, "The Brown Hornet", as a super serious urban legend vigilante.  I'd love to be in the room for that pitch.


*I learned this week we have the ability to stuff three townhomes worth of stuff in one building.  It sure seemed that way as I carried our giant pile of belongings to my truck. 


*TV show production has cranked up and it's now "episodic season".  It's the time of year everyone auditions for roles on the new and returning shows.  Everyone wants their shot on a show.


*I now have the Dodgers Network on my new cable setup.  I finally escaped the 70% of Los Angeles residents that can't watch the games on a regular basis.  It only took me until the last month of the season.


*One other thought about "episodic season".  The parts up for grabs are both large and small.. The casting directors of the world are looking to fill parts for the rest of the season.  Recurring characters, recast characters, background players, etc.  It's might be more of a hectic season for casting directors than pilot season.


*Did I mention my knees still hurt from the move?


This Actor Is Off To Colorado In October.

Friday Night At Nick

When I was in my early 20's I imagined being on the Sunset Strip on a weekend night.

Fast cars, beautiful women and the excitement of life in Los Angeles.

All of those items were on display a few days ago as I found myself hanging out on the legendary Sunset Strip on Friday night.

The only catch?

All of the "LA Items" were on the other side of the fence from this sign:

The location of my "Friday Night Party"

Not exactly how I imagined my weekend night in Los Angeles when I was younger.

Zach booked a return gig on a new Nickelodeon show (he worked on the pilot a few weeks ago) with a great call time of 6pm.  The last time he worked on the show it was an afternoon call time during a Hollywood heat wave.

The view as you enter the studio gates

The last time he worked on the show it was an absolute madhouse (in an exciting way).  There were hundreds of extras from various casting houses plus a flurry of costume fittings, production assistants and highers ups running around the studio.  I was prepared to face a large number of actors and parents discussing their craft as well as telling a few success story "tall tales".

The lobby sign as you enter the building (Photo snapped while chewing gum)

We walked into the lobby to see 10 people (at the most) in the building.

There were football scenes to be filmed minus the large crowd of extras in the stands.  The kids on Zach's "team" were the same guys from the pilot episode so he was happy to spend time with them while waiting to be called to set.

Three of the kids (one set of brothers and another boy) were on set with their parents.  The parents/The people staying on set at all times/The ones responsible for the kids disappeared within 30-minutes of arrival.

All of these kids were clueless when it came time to take care of their paperwork.  I sat all of the kids next to me and helped them with their Nick paperwork, get their vouchers to the correct production people, find the set teacher so she could sign their work permits, put their clothes in one easy to find place and hustle them out the door to the set.

SHHHH...They're filming a scene!

One mom reappeared about an hour later and acted like she had never heard of paperwork before that very moment.  The other mom came back after a 3-hour journey to some unknown destination.

My Friday Friends

The outdoor scenes were on a football filed built on the Nick lot.  It's funny because during Zach's days of playing football he would have been horrified to not finish a snap before the count was over. Every snap during the filming went like this:

"Down...Set...Cut!"

They didn't need any actual football plays this time.  They only needed the actions leading up to the play.  They also filmed some shots of a player catching the ball and running to the end zone.

The Artist between shots

The two moms that abandoned their kids earlier came up to me while I was watching the filming.  They were annoyed because they had gone to the girl in charge of the pay vouchers to ask her a question.  She asked which kids belonged to them.  Their answer to that question got a "then why did that one gentleman help them with their vouchers and work permits?" from the business person. They had to admit they left the set after dropping off their kids.  

Her reply to the MIA mothers?

"I suggest you get the responsible father in here because I won't answer any questions until he tells me you're the real parents."

They were annoyed at having to come get me, at having to bring me inside and at me for being viewed in a better "parent light".  I was trying to watch Zach but they would not stop bothering me.  I walked inside with them and told the business person they were the mothers of the kids in question and their paperwork was with Zach's stuff.  I promised the kids I would keep it until the end of the shoot but I'd be happy to give her the paperwork if she needed it immediately.

She laughed and said the end of the shoot was fine and I should remain in charge of the papers since I had been on set the entire night.

I walked away as the MIA twins argued about getting the paperwork with no success.

They did not speak to me the rest of the night.

Darn.

This Kid Played Fake Friday Night Football

Deep Thoughts From A Week In Hollywood

I've made it a point to write down my favorite bits of conversation from the past 7 days.  There's so many goofy people in Hollywood sharing their stunning insights on a daily basis.                               


I give you a peek into a week in Hollywood!


*"She told me I was perfect for the part as it was written three drafts ago."


*"I wish I had the acting skills of Streep and the butt of J Lo."


*"Ariana Grande always looks like she's embarrassed by an off color joke from a relative."


*"I'd love to read your play.  Oh...You mean this week???  Let me check my schedule."


*"I'm thinking about doing guerrilla stand-up and performing a set each day I'm stuck in traffic.  People will be happy to be stuck in traffic with me!"


*"My stand up act consists of me, a border collie, two dog treats and a dog sized pair of handcuffs."


*"I was a personal friend of Lauren Bacall.  She'd back up my story if she hadn't passed away."


*"Is The Expendables 3 a sequel to any previous movies?"


*"Is there an intermission between scenes of your one act play?  (explanation by other person) 


There's only one long scene in your one act play?  Is that why it's called a one act play???"


*"I need to do the ice bucket challenge while I can't feel my face after botox."


There's always something interesting to hear (and see) in Hollywood.  It's just a matter of keeping your ears (and eyes) open!


This Actor Is Not The Source Of Any Of The Above Lines.

Casting Call Time

It's time for another look at your chance to be a star in Hollywood!  The latest (and somewhat greatest) rundown of my favorite recent casting notices!


*Actual female drug addict 25-34 needed for short film.  Must be able to prove drug use.  (This has to be a setup for a drug bust or an intervention for a loved one)


*Legal assistant who can make any legal phrase sound like a sexual come-on.


*Sharp Tongued Drag Queen 35-50 (real or actor) needed for PSA.


*Charming Douchebag Prince 20-30 for comedic series.


*Hipster 20-50 needed to play Hipster Pirate Leader.


*Balding 35-50 Caucasian needed for lead in new web series (Wait!  That's me!  Get my imaginary agent on the phone now!)


*Ridiculously Good Looking People needed to wear mascot outfits (minus the heads) on a 24/7 webcam show.


*Looking for actor to play Santa in a film about the Easter Bunny and his war on Thanksgiving.


*Multiracial Documentary seeks Multiracial Subjects to speak at length about their Multiracial Experiences.  (I think they are looking for someone Multiracial)


*Do you feel like your animals talk to you?  We mean talk to you in the English language.


*Are good and/or horrific looks holding you back in life?  Do you need to alter your appearance to jumpstart your career/love life/self worth?


*Pint sized model needed to handle rope tricks while riding a full sized horse.


Do you fit any of the above casting notices?  If so, you could be a STAR!!!


Working On Being A Good Actor...Not A Star.

I Thought You Told Us He Already Has An Agent

The Artist has done alright for himself since moving to California.  

Commercials. Movies.  TV Shows.  But there has always been one piece of the puzzle missing:

A theatrical agent.

I know I wrote a blog post a few months ago but his shiny new agent.  He still has that agent but it's his commercial agent.

Let me explain.

There are two types of agents in the industry.  A commercial agent works to get you auditions for commercials (duh!) and a theatrical agent works to get you auditions for movies and TV shows.  You might get lucky and get one agency to represent you across the board (both commercial and theatrical). Most actors have different agencies representing them for theatrical and commercial.

Zach's manager has done a great job getting him film and TV auditions while waiting for the right theatrical agent to come along for The Artist.  She is very protective of the boy.  She has always stated she doesn't want him to sign with a theatrical agency unless they love Zach as much as she loves Zach.

The boy attended an acting workshop about three weeks ago and meet a representative for a theatrical agent.  She seemed to like him so we contacted Zach's manager about scheduling a follow-up meeting.

The meeting was this past Wednesday.  The Artist seems to do well when I take my vehicle so (following our superstition) Zach and I headed to the meeting in the good luck redneck truck.  

*4:30pm

We arrive at the agency  

*4:35pm

The agency folks give Zach a script to look over quickly so he can do a cold read for them.

*4:40pm

He goes back into their offices.  The standard procedure is for the teen actor to meet with the agents and then the parents are brought back to the office.  (The "splitting up" tactic is so the agency can meet the teen away from the comfort of his or her parent.  It allows them to meet with the kid in a one on one situation.  The parents are brought in so the agency can determine how easy or hard they will be to deal with on a daily basis.  Sometimes kids are passed over because the parents are so over the top and obnoxious that it's not worth the hassle).

*4:40pm-5pm

I spend my time looking at my phone and reading The Hollywood Reporter while trying not to worry too much for Zach.

*5pm

The kid emerges and announces he is done.  (What???  I don't get my time in the meeting???  Actually, I was happy about this fact.  I'm always afraid I'll screw up the deal for the kid by rambling on too much.)  The agency person thanks us for coming and says they'll be in touch with his manager for any follow-up questions.

The follow-up process normally takes around two weeks so we're now entering the "wait and see" period.

*5:02pm.  

We enter the elevator and Zach tells me about the meeting on the ride downstairs.  He seems happy with how the meeting went and enjoyed talking sports with the agency folks.

*5:05pm

We drive out of the parking garage when the voice mail goes off on my phone.  It's Zach's manager saying she needs me to call back NOW!  I was about to do just that when Dana calls saying Zach's manager is looking for us.  She sounds worried (Dana and the manager) and we need to call back NOW! (Hey!  I missed the call thanks to being on the elevator!!!  Sorry!)

*5:07pm

We return the call and the manager wants to know what Zach said in the meeting.  I reply I have no idea since I wasn't in the meeting.  She insists I hand the phone to him so she can find out exactly what happened in the meeting.  Zach gives her the details and she gives him two choices:

A.  Learn a lesson from this meeting and keep looking for a theatrical agent

or

B.  Be excited because they called her the moment Zach left the room wanting to sign him!  The exact quote from the agent?  "I couldn't wait for that kid's butt to get out of the chair so I could call you." 

*5:09pm

Zach now has a theatrical agent!

We figured it would take a little while for them to get the paperwork together for Zach to sign on with their team.  I received an email a little over two hours later with various forms for him to sign and return ASAP.

He goes on his first audition from the agency this Monday afternoon.

It's been a long road for the kid but we are thrilled for him.  He's worked hard and deserves the benefits of his efforts.

Do I sound too much like a proud parent????

Well, I am so deal with it!

Look! It's "Mister I Have A Theatrical Agent"!